Girl 101- Puberty

*Disclaimer* This will be long.  It is part one of a series.  

I'm just gonna jump right in, so buckle up.  I decided to start with puberty because I think that's kinda where it all starts to go off the rails, and it seems to be at the root of most teenage angst.  We've all been there.  The mood swings, the cramps, the body image, it's all because of puberty.  What is puberty exactly?  Well, this is what Websters 1828 Dictionary says. 

Quote:

PU'BERTY, noun [Latin pubertas, from pubes.] The age at which persons are capable of procreating and bearing children. This age is different in different climates, but is with us considered to be at fourteen years in males, and twelve in females. 

I find this to be fairly accurate, but in my specific situation, my daughters, and my sons, not entirely.  I noticed a few physical changes in my son around the age of ten, emotional changes around eleven.  My daughter was twelve when we started having trouble with her due to her violent mood swings and tendency to rebel at every turn.  However, physical changes didn't start until after her fourteenth birthday.  Let's pause for a moment and go over the symptoms or signs of puberty.  The "what to expect" if you will.

• Rise in hormones. Estrogen and progesterone in females and testosterone in males. A change in hormone levels triggers the following:
• Breast tissue development 
• Enlargement of the testicles and penis 
• Pubic hair, facial hair and an increase of hair in other parts of the body such as armpits and legs
• Initiation of menstrual periods
• Increase of sweat production
• Body odor changes
• Lowering of the voice
• Growth spurt and weight gain
• Development and strengthening of the muscles

When researching all of this, I found a lot of info.  A.  LOT.  There are countless upon countless articles, studies, blogs, scientific facts and blah blah blah.  Puberty is something that has been happening since the beginning of time.  Many super smart people have studied it and have much more to say about it than I.  The scientific process of it all isn't what I want to focus on today.  My goal in all of this (this post and the ones to come) is just to inform young girls and their moms on the "what next" of it all.  I mentioned in my last post, the beginning of this series, that I grew up in a very sheltered, religious home.  There were things that just didn't get talked about, because it was "inappropriate".  You don't talk about boobs, in fact, you may never even acknowledge the fact that you have them at all.  You whisper when you talk about your period, or just don't talk about it at all.  And of course, one must never, under any circumstance, have a crush on a boy.  Crushes are ungodly don't ya know. *insert eye roll here*  I know I'm not the only one that went through that, right?  In my home, which always seemed to be high stress, there just seemed to never be a good time to bring up things as "dumb" as periods and the uncontrollable need to cry over the color of my hairbrush.  I lived in fear of being told that I was asking stupid questions or that I was being a bother.  So I just shut my mouth or asked someone else.  The day I got my period, we had some friends over for Thanksgiving dinner.  Prior to the lovely occasion, I had no idea what was going to happen, how it was going to happen, or how I was going to feel.  My mom hadn't talked to me about it yet, probably because she didn't expect it to happen just yet.  The plan was for me to go home with them after dinner and spend the night with my friend "Jane".  I knew she had already started hers, so I planned on drilling her about all the ins and outs later that night.  I asked her about pads and she showed me the ones her mom had bought for her.  After the initial, "Hey mom, I think I got my period" talk, there really wasn't any further conversation about it with my mom.  Again, not bashing mom, just stating facts.  

I have encountered a few people that had their kids in public school and FREAKED OUT when sex was brought up in health class.  I half understand that reaction but I'm also a little bit like, "get over it".  If you are properly informing your children of the naturally occurring changes of the body and how the body was made to work, then what do you have to fear?  There seems to be a certain stigma associated with sex-ed that is completely unnecessary.  With that being said, I do have to clarify.  I personally would have declined said class if given the opportunity.  I believe that info should come from parents, or guardian, not the public school and their worldly view on things.  Now, I said properly a second ago.  YES, there is a proper way to educate your children.  Handing them a box of tampons and saying, "read the instructions on the box" is not the proper way.  You can take a clinical approach, a spiritual approach, or a mix of the two.  However you decide to educate your children, is fine.  The most important thing is, EDUCATE THEM!...or someone else will.  And I can almost guarantee that the info will be skewed or incorrect altogether.  

Your daughter, needs to know about the parts of her body; externally AND internally.  We all have them and they all do the same things, relatively speaking.  Our girls need to know the WHY behind the monthly menstrual cycle.  Otherwise, they might think they're dying.  They need to know why God gave us breasts.  Otherwise, they're going to fall into the secular mindset that they are sex objects only.  

I have racked my brain as to why parents, mothers specifically, are so afraid to talk to their girls.  Are we ashamed?  Embarrassed?  Uneducated?  I haven't had a deep conversation with my mother about her reasoning but I think I can guess.  Her mother lived in a time when such things were just not talked about, and even hidden.  I think it was just a matter of, my mother did (or did not), therefore I do (or do not).  Things were just done differently back then, and that's totally okay!  But my friends, times have changed.  Our world has changed.  Our number one job in life if to raise our children, (debate me later if needed, read your Bible) and how can we successfully do that if we are letting the world, school, friends, the internet, books and countless other resources, educate them.  Step up and do it before anybody else has the chance to, and possibly warp them for life.

SO.  You've stuck with me up till now.  That was a lot of backstory.  Now we get into the nitty gritty, the details, the science of the body.  

Girls.  Ladies.  Between the ages of ten and fifteen, you should expect some changes.  Changes in the shape, function, and even smell of your body.  The first of which most likely  will be the change in your breasts, so we'll start there.  Your body will start producing two hormones called, progesterone, and estrogen.  The presence of  those two hormones is what triggers the growth of breasts. (We will learn more about hormones in a different post.)  You will notice that they are a little tender and sometimes sore.  They will start to "poke out" and will be more visible under your clothes.  This is perfectly normal!  Your mom should notice these things as well and hopefully will take you shopping for a proper bra.  If she doesn't, just ask!  She might just not be thinking about those kinds of things yet.  It doesn't mean that she doesn't pay attention to you or that she doesn't care.  To be honest, she probably just isn't ready for you to be a "big girl" yet.  Your mom can help you find something that works for your current needs.  But if you are the kind of girl that is extremely private and doesn't want or need your moms help, here are some things you need to look for.  **By the way, you are never too old or mature to need your mama's help.  There will come a day when you wish she was with you 24/7 and could just do life for you the way she used to when you were eight.**  Moving on.  

You need a bra.  What now?  You can get fitted for the correct size at places like Victoria's Secret, and JCPenney.  But again, if you're a private person, you can google how to measure your bust and do it at home.  It's pretty simple.  Once you have figured out what size you are, it's time to pick one or a couple out.  Here's some tips:

1. Breathable material.  Boob sweat is a real thing, and it's not great.  Heavier/thicker fabrics can cause chaffing, irritation, and anger!  You want something that you forget is there.  You don't want to be reminded that it's there every time you move.  Plain old boring cotton is a good rule of thumb.

2. Color.  Fun prints can be fun, but they can also be impractical.  If you can, get a couple.  One for everyday use that won't be seen through light fabrics and one that's a little more....fun.  It can be pretty embarrassing to have the cheetah print that you just had to have, on display for all the world to see.  Get a white or beige one, AND the cheetah print.  Warning: Your mom might fight you on it, because that's just what they do.  

3. Support.  If you've developed quicker than expected, you might already need support rather than just coverage (more on that in the nest point).  Make sure that the shoulder straps are sturdy enough to do their job.  You will find thin straps and really thick straps.  Find an in-between and go from there.  Some bras have underwire and some don't.  I personally hate them.  But sometimes they are necessary in big busted gals.  You also want to consider the back strap.  If it's too thin, it will feel like it's cutting into your back.  If it's too wide, you will feel uncomfortable in it.  Sadly, it can be a matter or trial and error.  Side note, there is a size for the cup, (A, B, C, D, and DD....and more) and a size for the circumference of the band, (32, 34, 36....and higher).

4. Coverage. I am mostly referring to the cup thickness.  When you're shopping for your first bra, it's easy to just pick a cute one and move on.  Your main goal here is to find a bra that hides the "poking out" of your changing breasts.  There are padded bras; some thicker and others thin.  You might be attracted to a bra that makes you look bigger than you actually are, but don't do it.  Your time will come, don't rush it.  Find one that is thick enough but not too thick, and not too thin.  It sounds complicated but trust me, your mom can help.  

5. Comfort.  This *might* be the most important tip of them all.  Get a bra that you feel comfortable in.  Follow all the other guidelines, but still, get something that makes you feel pretty.  IT'S OK TO FEEL PRETTY!  If you buy something just because your mom picked it out, you're going to hate it.  Communicate your desires to her.  You might feel like she's forcing something on you, but keep in mind that she does know what she's talking about.  There's a slim possibility that she will say that you aren't ready for the cheetah print just yet.  That's okay.  It's not the end of the world.  Compromise, and that goes for moms too.  Just because your daughter wants a red bra, does not mean that she wants to be a "slut" (gosh, I hate that word), it does not mean that she wants attention from men, it might just mean that she likes red and doesn't want to feel like a grandma in a boring beige bra.  

I want to add something to this.  Breasts are breasts.  They are not a weapon.  They are not something to be used against others, other females.  I was friends with this one girl in middle school that got hers before I did.  She used to throw in my face all the time.  She made me feel like crap because she had boobs and I didn't, therefore I must be less of a girl.  She was cool and I wasn't.  Nonsense.  Unfortunately, especially today, it's pretty common for girls to bully other girls.  IT.  NEEDS.  TO.  STOP.  I'll leave you with this thought:

"A friend is like a good bra: hard to find, comfortable, supportive, always lifts you up, makes you look better, never lets you down or leaves you hanging, and always close to your heart."